Hi, my name is Marielle, and I am afraid of cakes.

Okay, there, I said it. Happy now? I felt so ashamed of the relief that washed over me when Bella said she'd take on the petit fours for competition. I was so nervous icing my cake for Pastry 101 (a 101 class!), and even more so when it came to piping simple shells on the edges. I was shaking so hard, you'd think it was a matter of life or death, depending on how perfect the shells were or weren't. I can't say I was intimidated by my pirate cake, since that was just slopping on the icing and smoothing it around the cake, no intricate work of art there. But I will say that I will be shaking in my boots when I remake the pirate cake into a better, more detailed and planned out cake than the first one was (as per request by Chef Renee).

I blame myself for not wanting to put myself out there and keep trying after every cake icing failure at Saiko and Haagen-Dazs, but cakes make me feel so STUPID. Ask me to do a loaf of bread, no problem! Need a pie or tart shell? Easy peasy, Lemon Squeezy! Want me to ice an ice cream cake? Well, man the front, because I'll be in the freezer icing and re-icing that damn cake for God knows how long! My first attempt at an ice cream cake began to melt a little and leak around the edges as I took too long to just slap some icing on and put it back in the freezer to firm up again. Lois, my boss at Haagen-Dazs, ended up just taking over after a long time to save the cake. At Saiko Bakery after the trained baker he hired left us, neither Don nor I really knew what we were doing but Don just assumed responsibilities since he was bossman, and thought it was excusable if the cake was ugly in any way (then we could just blame Don). Do I need to mention that my handwriting, horrible as it is with a pen or pencil, is absolutely HORRENDOUS with icing? After a while, it just was assumed that I would not do any icing duties at neither Saiko nor Haagen-Dazs. I'll bake or pack the ice cream for it, but be prepared to ask the back of my head to ice that damn cake, because I will be running in the opposite direction even before the words come out of your mouth. Maybe it's my search for perfection, for being able to do things right the first time most of the time. But I will say it now and forever again: CAKES ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.

So call me Crazy if you will, but I still think about interning at Charm City Cakes. Who knows? Maybe my innate ability to win at Sculptorades has something to do with it, but I think that if I can get beyond the icing and get to the cool scupture part of cakes, then maybe (just maybe!) I'll be all right.

Sigh. My quest for knowledge and perfection will be the death of me.